Saturday, July 5, 2014

6.21.14

My mind is playing games with me, waking up wanting donuts, thinking everyone's life on FB is better than mine, exactly what THEY want you to think.  Feeling depressed about $$$ again. Have to stop this ..just let go....feel free.  Mind wants to take me back to my 20's & 30's, but I say NO...as I am proud of what I have achieved in all layers of my life.  Emotionally maturing.....sigh!!

Sometimes I feel on a deep level this part of myself never developed or was allowed to develop ....due to the fact that we were not actually taught how to make decisions on our own based on our why's or wants ...always because of what our parents, church, school, etc. thought.  So I pulled a card to help with this emotional maturing...*The World (#21) ...perfect..yes, chasing a rainbow vs the challenge of living here.  this is how I do feel at times...not grounded...wishing/chasing a rainbow, instead of accepting life as it is.

Yup..being caught up in your own tiny world, which is where I withdraw too....like a horse with blinders on....unable to see the big picture.....

Emotional stagnation....missing the joy of the moment...living in the past or future...looking for happiness outside myself...BINGO!!!

I had a realization that this emotional immaturity came from my Mom, I learned by watching and developed this...time to let go......


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