Shame and Guilt....
I would go to my Mom and Dad with ideas and they would shoot them down and cause me to feel stupid, guilt trips put on me, and shame. So I clammed up and decided to follow, instead of lead about my life, cramming myself with food every time I felt belittled, slight or major hurts, anything that played on me, so my go to defensive mechanism was over eating (anger/guilt/shame/not good enough).
Pulled some cards for a reading from Shadow Tarot Workbook; Star of Discover Spread.....
#1 card The Moon
#2 card The Hanged Man
#3 card Strength
#4 card Death
#5 card The Lovers
#6 card The Emperor
My overall reaction to the spread was a good feeling! :) I will be looking at each card separately when I am guided by Spirit to do so!
#1 The Moon: Denial
My impressions: emotional, Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, twin or two towers, the number 18 equals a 9 which means completeness.
The books: Confusion vs Mystery.... (This is how it feels to me.....confusion is the mind and mystery is Spirit > How to function in both worlds.....