Monday, June 23, 2014

6.20.14

So here I am again writing to free my Soul and to give it a voice, also to release the stifled feelings I woke up with.  I am feeling so much better just taking the time to write 10 mins every day.  I am free.....just have to convince the mind that we are.  Could be a major job.... lol!   ;)

I dream of bigger things in my life, not that there is anything wrong with my life, I feel blessed and grateful!  Would like to travel overseas again.  Would like to live off grid in a straw-cob built home and a barn of the same for the goaties and barn kitty.  

So I pull a tarot card from the Rider-Waite's deck... feeling relieved as I shuffle the cards - I'm only using the major Arcana cards.  The card is The Star (#17)....  

My impressions....She is the star of her life pouring out her emotions (water) freely.  She is naked to expose all that she is and will become - with nothing to hide and all to gain.  The stars in the sky.....everything unlimited from Source.  Mountains in the background to overcome and become your own star in your life.......New sprouts of flowers all around her meaning; new ideas, new beginnings. The tree with the bird in the background is...well...tree is life force, blooming, growing, flourishing. The bird - a messenger of Spirit, know that all will be achieved in due time....be patient with yourself and flow..... 


6.19.14

As I stand in the kitchen this morning making Cliff (my hubby) his mocha frappe, I seen in my 3rd eye a visualization of me just letting go from a ledge I was holding onto and it felt so freeing, as I landed in Spirit's hands.  I have been saying "I let go, I am free!".  I even have it posted on our bathroom mirror!  :)

6.18.14 Continued....Insights

Shame and Guilt....

I would go to my Mom and Dad with ideas and they would shoot them down and cause me to feel stupid, guilt trips put on me, and shame.  So I clammed up and decided to follow, instead of lead about my life, cramming myself with food every time I felt belittled, slight or major hurts, anything that played on me, so my go to defensive mechanism was over eating (anger/guilt/shame/not good enough).

Pulled some cards for a reading from Shadow Tarot Workbook; Star of Discover Spread.....

#1 card    The Moon

#2 card    The Hanged Man

#3 card    Strength

#4 card    Death

#5 card    The Lovers

#6 card    The Emperor 

My overall reaction to the spread was a good feeling!  :)    I will be looking at each card separately when I am guided by Spirit to do so!

#1   The Moon:  Denial

My impressions:  emotional, Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, twin or two towers, the number 18 equals a 9 which means completeness. 

The books:  Confusion vs Mystery.... (This is how it feels to me.....confusion is the mind and mystery is Spirit > How to function in both worlds.....

Friday, June 20, 2014

6.17.14

Dark Shadow Self: overeating...are you there and what can you tell me about the topic  "Self-Responsibility" - eating addiction...abuse of self, abuse of revenge on self for not taking a stand with my parents and saying *NO!...this is how I want it, this is what I want, not you!!

This is my life - not your's - live your own!! 

What would we of done dark shadow?  Learned to be our self - Can we do that now?  Be free and do what we want?  Yes, what would you like to do?  Be FREE!!  WE are free..... now what career/business would you like....something that stands for freedom - which is?  Adventure/hiking pack store online....anything else?

I'm bored....me too...with this same life...day in...day out...where is the adventure ...the freedom, life..life...life...what to do...what to do??????

How to break free.....abuse by overeating for not listening to self......let's go to a kid:  what to do ...over eat...not/never satisfied. 

Coffee, coffee, coffee...exciting, but I don't want coffee....cookies...cookies, but I don't want cookies....what to do now????  What do you want NOW???

I feel like I need to do something like in the *The Way* movie or a vision quest - to break free of fear, etc.  What else could we do????

Thursday, June 19, 2014

My Dark Side......

I want to give my dark side a voice!  We have been told and taught for so long that this is not acceptable in society, school, and churches, etc., but I feel it is time for a voice to be given....thanks to my friend Jan!!

Dark side what say you...I feel like you are shy @ times and want to express yourself, but won't come out and that's where the overeating comes in...afraid to bring thoughts/actions forward.  Well I give you permission to come forward now and always to free yourself......Just Let GO!! 

What now....I feel sleepy with the air on, it's nice and cool.  I feel tension and my arm and hand hurts writing this.  Slow down and relax even tension in my jaw....blow out and shake.....Stop The Resistance!!

Spend less time on the computer...heal thoughts that come forward, express in a positive way....negative thoughts.  

What is on my dark side?

What mystery's lie there? 

What? What? What?

This is stupid....just want to eat...don't feel like anything deep is coming forward....as usual.....all superficial....like life....need to think/feel @ a deeper level.  I want to eat....stuff myself, instead of expressing...depressed like I was taught...not allowed to let this come forward...Just suppress...eat stuff.....eat....stuff.

What would you like to say...I would like to be creative, express myself and how would you like to do that?  I would like to fly....fly to the moon...the moon is emotion in action.